The Christmas lights twinkled as I adjusted the silver star on top of our tree for the hundredth time. I wanted everything to be perfect because that's the kind of mom and wife I was.
I stepped back to survey my work, nearly tripping over the train set Michael had insisted on setting up last weekend. That had been a good day — one of his rare moments of full presence with the family.
"Mommy, mommy! Look at my twirl!" Daisy spun around in her sparkly princess dress, her blonde curls bouncing with each turn.
She was pure magic, my little girl. The sequins on her dress caught the Christmas lights, creating tiny dancing rainbows on the walls.
"Beautiful, sweetheart! You look just like Cinderella!" I reached out to steady her as she wobbled, dizzy from spinning. "Maybe even prettier."
"Does Cinderella have a sword?" she asked, eyeing her brother's plastic cutlass with obvious envy.
"Arrrr!" Max charged through the living room, his plastic sword raised high, the eye patch I'd carefully painted on his face slightly smudged from his afternoon nap. "I'm gonna get all the presents from Santa's ship!"
I laughed, catching him mid-stride and inhaling the sweet baby shampoo smell of his hair. "Easy there, Captain Max. We don't want to knock over the tree before Daddy gets home."
"When's Daddy coming?" Max's lower lip trembled slightly. He'd been asking every twenty minutes since breakfast.
"Soon, baby. Very soon." I checked my watch again, trying to ignore the knot in my stomach. Michael had been coming home later and later these past few months, always with a different excuse.
But tonight would be different. It had to be: it was Christmas Eve.
Just then, the front door opened, bringing in a gust of cold air, and my husband Michael. He looked handsome in his work clothes but distracted. His eyes darted around the room, taking in everything but seeing nothing.
"Daddy!" The kids launched themselves at him like tiny missiles.
"Hey, munchkins!" He gave them each a quick hug, then pecked my cheek as he passed.
His lips were cold against my skin, the gesture mechanical. "Hey honey, everything looks great! I need a white shirt and my black suit pressed. Can you iron it while I hop in the shower?"
I blinked, confused. The turkey timer chimed in the background, a countdown to something I couldn't yet see. "Your suit? I guess the kids aren't the only ones getting dressed up for Christmas Eve!"
He chuckled absentmindedly, already heading upstairs. The bathroom door clicked shut, and soon I heard the shower running, drowning out Daisy's impromptu rendition of "Jingle Bells."
Like the good wife I was, I pulled out the ironing board and pressed his clothes to perfection, humming "Silent Night" under my breath.
The turkey timer dinged again, and I rushed to baste it one last time, my sock-clad feet sliding slightly on the hardwood floors. Everything was going to be perfect.
"Mommy, can we open just one present?" Max tugged at my sleeve, leaving a sticky candy cane handprint on my carefully chosen festive sweater.
"Not yet, sweetie. We have to wait for dinner first." I smoothed his unruly hair, making a mental note to trim it after the holidays.
Michael emerged from upstairs looking like he'd stepped out of a magazine cover, every hair in place, smelling of that expensive cologne his mother always gave him. He adjusted his cufflinks, the platinum ones I'd given him last Christmas, and grabbed his keys from the crystal bowl by the door.
"I'm heading to the office Christmas party. It's just for staff, so I'll be back later."
The words hit me like a slap. The room suddenly felt too warm, too bright, too everything. "What? But... it's Christmas Eve. The turkey... the kids..."
He waved dismissively, already turning toward the door. "Don't wait up. Save me some leftovers."
"But Daddy, you promised to read 'The Night Before Christmas'!" Daisy's voice wavered, her princess crown slightly askew.
"Tomorrow, princess. Daddy has to work." And then he was gone, the door clicking shut with devastating finality.
Max's lower lip trembled. "Is Daddy mad at us?"
"No, baby." I pulled him close, breathing in his sweet child smell, trying to ground myself. "Daddy just has to..."
My phone buzzed, Melissa's name lighting up the screen.
I answered automatically, my mind still reeling.
"Hey, Lena! What are you wearing tonight? I can't decide between my red dress or the green one."
My stomach lurched. The room spun slightly as pieces started clicking into place. "Wearing... tonight?"
"For the office party! Though I guess you already know what you're wearing, right? You're always so put together. I was thinking of wearing those heels you liked at the last company picnic..."
"The staff-only party?" My voice sounded strange in my ears like it belonged to someone else.
There was an awkward pause. "Oh God, Lena... I thought... I mean, everyone's bringing their spouses... Oh no, did Michael not...?"
I hung up. The Christmas lights blurred as tears filled my eyes, but I blinked them back furiously. Not tonight. Not in front of my babies.
"Mommy?" Daisy tugged at my sleeve, her princess dress rustling. "Why are you mad? Your face is all red like when Max draws on the walls."
I forced a smile, though it felt like my face might crack. "I'm not mad, sweetie. In fact, I've just decided we're going on an adventure!"
"Really?" Max's eyes lit up, his earlier disappointment forgotten. "Like pirates?"
"Exactly like pirates." I marched upstairs to our bedroom, yanking open the safe with trembling hands.
